The week just gone has been an awful one, haphazard occurrence of a series of unhappy things that I won’t go into the details of. But then bad people and experiences actually do us a favour in that they teach us a lesson. I don’t want to sound too optimistic because I know it can be massively annoying sometime lol, especially when every fashion blogger on Instagram tells you how amazing everything is. It’s Valentine’s day tomorrow and for some it’s Galentine’s day so I’ve decided to bury my un-tranquil thoughts and try (however awkwardly) to be delightful and positive as best as I can.
As you know I had a diary when I was a little girl, I wrote about countless things that bothered me, people I loved and of course my grand plans for the future. Also a thing about me is that I am an obsessive keeper of things I call ‘special’ so I’ve obviously kept those notes close to my heart and now my beside where they proudly reside. Over the years I’ve captured so many ‘dear diary’ moments and going through them breathes nostalgia into me. My diaries have been landmarked by several memories that are a reminder of my amazing family, my faithful friends, unsettling feelings, denials, failures, achievements and a lot of love. I realised that those infinite words and memories have in some tiny way stacked up to make me who I am today.
So today, here’s a ‘dear diary’ moment,
13/02/2017: I know I’m moaning about life and how difficult not knowing the future can be, I know I am sad because I didn’t accomplish what I targeted to and worked hard for this month. I am aware of (perhaps!) my carelessness that lead to my expensive parcel being stolen from the porch. I know I will not always get on with everyone and sometimes people can be two faced and horrible. I know I may doubt my abilities because of the failures that I encounter. We already know this, don’t we diary? But my realisations still inevitably draw remorse that I am unable to overcome with a dozen episodes of Sex And The City and a big slice of chocolate cake. Also annoyingly I feel that my skin and body strongly sense week moments like these and suddenly decide to inject me with a mass amount of butter and breakouts overnight that make me feel even more miserable, and the next morning the scales scream louder with weight and the mirror with horror. Now, what is that all about?
But over the 20 something years I’ve learnt that regardless of what I face, I will be able to get over all this, similar to every single time before. I know that while there is stuff to be sad about there is so much more to be happy with. I have the most supporting and loving husband who is my best friend for life and makes me laugh. I have a beautiful family who think I can achieve anything I set my heart on, some amazing and funny friends and colleagues who appreciate my jokes (or not! haha). So I don’t have much to moan about, do I? And for the two faced people around me, I will never abandon hope and love and one day they’ll change or I’ll move away from them and life will be good again.
And to my readers, sorry it wasn’t your normal ‘oh so chirpy Valentine’s day’ post, but as I always say it was at least honest! So cut me some slack because I was brave and managed to get some photos taken whilst nearly dying with cold amidst the fierce cold wind and the tiny amount of snow we had last weekend, which much like me decided not to settle.